5 July .... Night of full Moon.

Nature  has its wonderful law, 'law of nature'. We are always told about time that passes away never come back do what you like today for now or never, but how difficult is to understand that we have another next day, this night of full Moon will come again. Who said the time will never come back but the fact is Its the timing which never be perfect as today. White shiny rays healing me from inside, how calm the weather is, how much alone I am today,what pain that keep inside me from a very long time. Its not a bad thing to sit alone think about what you had done, the best time to introspect so I am doing. We are humans we made mistakes and so did I. Yes this is the thought that crawl in my mind, that feeling of guilt occupies my whole mind and heart, do I ever been out of this phase, do that person whom I hurt will ever forgive me, I don't know. "It took whole life to become what you are but it take just one moment to become what you were". It can be a small thing or it can as big as I am feeling. But what belongs to me for which I am so scared. Ah this holy light brings me out once again, once again burning flames crawls inside me. I can hear cricket sound once they irritated me but today they are the only one who are with me, the only with whom I can share my feelings and my loneliness. Hey! look its you here, I can see you I felt very bad for what I had said to you those words but not just the words, I come near to you and something happened, so much silence here neither cricket nor wind. I open my eyes Ah! its a dream nothing was real just the shining Moon which is disappearing slowly now its time for another day Sun all set to get up, its time to bind up all but the lesson I learn will remain with me forever and ever......

1 Dec 2013 ...... A Lesson That I Learn.

Sometimes Its better being unaware about the truth, the most prior question that you want to know. But as it said truth always comes out, which brings recklessness to your heart when you barely talk to anyone. Time passing away to me with every single second of my life. What feeling that you experience, being so lonely, feeling that remains in your heart which tries to come out but stops with drops of missing. Pain that I am experiencing what pain it is. Which lies within me and remain with me. You are my part and be there forever. Sometimes you don't want to talk to someone even if you wish to, that feeling of being confused, keeping your emotions in your heart making you smile by face with a universe of distress and pain. You, the only one that can understand those feelings. It so painful keeping everything inside when you make me feel bad with those unintentional actions that you do. Life has its own way to teach us, I learn in a bitter way. But it is okay I done in past, today these grey clouds wont stop me and my shine. I be climb, climb till my destiny. Again it would be good of being with you always, better if you were...

30 Nov 2013...... Lost in Dark Eve.

Life and death, day and night both have some kind of similarity but differ in many ways. Life that starts with you and end with death. Opposite with some analogy, Hard to bound both yet they amalgamate and that's we called it Eve.. . I can see birds chirping in their nest playing with their young ones but does everyone so lucky like them. We all were very hopeful of what we get today on eve is good for them. But thing that matter is the day that has to passed. My day was not good still hoping for the good Eve. Anxiety ,blissfulness that wait for me but for all I have to face this Eve, this dark Eve. Panicked, stunned It's me with long black sky. Sky that covers all, making my coming day  covered with dark, discovering what I can't see. I close my eyes just to make it more clear and found a filthy road for my destination. But what could be the life be with so easiness and without any hurdle. I can see stars blinking tried to guide me ,New moon turns no moon. Cool breezes whispers in my ears singing a suave song which encourages to move forward. Its time for night that waits at a corner and me still sitting at nook with a hope for a good day. Time passes and here comes the mighty night. Suddenly the silence broke into atmosphere with peace in all. Ahh I feel so secure and bless. Thank God I am so close to you, you the nature. Yes It's true, hope works and I just with a hope of a good day and will begin with a good night.

11 Nov 2013...........The Charioteer of my Life...

From the ancient times humans are progressing in an exponential form, whatever we carry forward it come from our ancestors. Everyone has it's role model of their life, a person who either show path or tell the way to move on,it is our elders who are experienced and best teachers that someone has. I too have few people around me but the one whom I admire the most is my Grandfather (nanaji) best man I have ever seen. I used to live with him till my graduation , my quality time ever just because of him. He is the best in every field not only in society but also in education field. He was the Principal (Headmaster) of a college. Due to his educational qualifications and understanding towards life is it's best. I don't even know who have any bad views against him. That's the quality the person should have, that's the thing that a person take with him and remains forever. He make a irresponsible child to responsible man. A man with divine soul, I still remember him with bright face, white hairs and white kurta pajama with a big smile on his face. Sometimes I don't have words to speak up my feelings like an unexpressed emotion that crawls in my heart. He was my charioteer who hold my hand firmly and make me move towards my success. I do remember his love towards music listening songs of his times.Today he is not with me and never be, but he lies in my heart alive forever till I live till my last breath . One song I remember and want to share ...

Mujhse pehle kitne shayar aaye aur aakar chale gaye,

kuch aahein bhar kar laut gaye kuch nagme gaa kar chale gaye.

Wo bhi ek pal ka hissa they me bhi ek pal ka hissa hu ,

kal tumse juda ho jaunga jo aaj tumhara hissa hu.

(Many poets came before me but they come and gone,

some gone with a sigh some with verse.

They all exist in past and I become a past,

tomorrow I will be segregated of which I am a part.)

17 July 2013..........A Psychology or what?....

I always been wondering something, something about my past something about my future. Past which brings fear and sometimes tears, on the other side wondering about future bring some relief and belief. May be it is just an hallucination, but there is some truth behind all of the things.

I always feel, tension and worry is equally important as being not worried and immune to take tension, because these things make you focused and cautious.

Past is the most bitter thing that we have, it doesn't matter whether it was happy or sorrow remembering but it always make you cry. Sound also have some relations with feelings, loud when you are happy, silent when you are sad.Whole life is too small to understand all those things of fear and joy. So I believe balance is what that required to understand as soon as possible. 

Did this happens to you, When you don't want to talk to anybody or someone yet wish that someone ask you about you feel ? I still don't understand why people do this, may be hesitation may be something else. I also come in this category but the question is not about me it is about many of the people. they are confused yet they understand something. I always say,"THOSE WHO ARE BLEAK , THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN COMPLICATIONS, BUT WHEN THEY EXPERIENCED IT THEY WILL NEVER BECOME SIMPLE."

Sometimes you have do things wrong to make outcome right. But what happens when you feel weak without your strong points, actually your strong points are the weak points in you. So never make anything as your strong point make your mind as strong as possible.

The whole para may be different from each other but they link with one thing the "The Human psychology and Understanding".

6 Aug 2013 ... Wondering what on clouds.

Just saw a thick white cloud over my head thinking what above that, silence, music I just can predict it. Continuously moving air is pushing it like a wave. I remember Kalidasa's Meghdoot( a messenger) but it needs a receiver as I don't have any. Suddenly I remember Cloud no. 9 a sound track of Bryan adams but I can't able to succeed to find the answer. Still my question continues what on clouds. I raise my height of imagination and thought of a whole new world. A world of Ideal things, I have my friends with me , my parents, my kin & all my lovers, where I play with them. I saw me as a child who is making small mountains and caves  of clouds. I saw the whole world so happy and without fear. Play, work, talks all were existed in that place. I can fly like a bird, jumping from one cloud to another. I have no words to say how happy I was. I saw my friends asking for me, my school first place of my worship then I move forward, my college days so alive so much of joy just because of my friends. Adventures, lies, truth, love with me and my friends like a timeline I was growing enjoying once again, my life(my childhood) it was the best feeling that I have ever had.

But suddenly I jump on a black cloud, sound of lighting that shivers me, water and water whole around that the fear I have, I found myself alone fighting with no forms. I was weeping with full sound and pain, intolerable fear covered with darkness which is coming closer and closer at every blink of my eyes. I shut my eyes and started screaming as loud as I can, and suddenly I woke up. I saw the watch with sweat on my head it was 2:30 of noon. I was now a bit relaxed and thinking how a beautiful dream can go worse. But this nightmare also reminded me that nothing is constant everything changes in life, and this is what we need to accept. 

15 June 2013.............. A repressed son!

When we are about to born , we have only a world of two persons, they nourished you they help you in every aspects. So the my story is, only son of my parents. Most of families in India belongs to a middle class and so my family. We are told to watch our desires since our childhood. Being a human I also had some desires when I was a small child ,when little grown up little more but always have. From my very small age I was a pliable boy, a boy who never share his feelings with his parents, a boy who always suppress his desires, a boy who always hesitate to ask anything from there parents. Many of times I just put my desires in dustbin and move on. I was appreciated from many as a child who is not a headstrong but the cost I pay remains confined to me nobody can understand it, and when I feel bad they ask "what happen is something wrong with your health " and I was remain silent I had no words to say just "I am alright" because it was not about desire it was of health which is good and they gone relaxed and have a perception "he is just like that, a silent melancholic person". Which indeed A person wants to fly, who wants to cope up with his friends, who wants to enjoy. But all those chapter are rarely told. Now I am grown up allowed to take the decisions of life, but still I suppressed my want, hesitate asking something which are my need and necessity. But being positive I made myself a person who always happy in any conditions, still there is twinge in my heart on which I can't able to succeed till now.........or may be never.

11 Jun 2013......A Rainy day

I am enjoying the weather which gives me sensation, sensation of emotions & feelings. I am in flashback,My childhood. I remember how I was grown up, cold breeze reminds me all good things , joy & happiness with  black clouds that pushing me in the darkness of my life. Darkness which comprises of pain, sorrows and low feelings.But the cool breeze dominating the dark clouds. Green dancing leaves enjoying the romantic weather and I with the mixed feelings. I see birds flying opening their wings like they are accepting what the nature, the God has given to them. I remember how I enjoy this weather in past, playing cricket with my friends, sharing laughter with each other but today I am silent sitting at the corner of my terrace, Listening Bengali Folk Flute music By John Wubbenhorst. Classical instrumental music is all time favourite of mine. I can hear some music which is hard to listen i.e. Music of Nature which soothe me, my mind and my heart. I see little ants collecting food for monsoon season (one of the workaholic creature or may be only one). I see everybody is giving thanks to God and I just saying the few words 

     
                                        HA RAHAM HA RAHAM FARMA E KHUDHA...

14 Nov 2012........ A Reply.

A dull day can be forgotten but lessons remains with us.
Missing each other is just a fate sometimes they become just memories.
Holding all of them in my heart till the judgement day.

Its the time that's makes us apart...but we all are together in our hearts & memories.
Love, hate, happiness, cries.
All we see, we learn, we teach, we meet, we goes apart.

But time goes on...
It never stops for anybody to look back what was happened.

So don't regret..
It is its part
A whole story of me, you & everybody
Which we called it "LIFE"

22 May 2013.............Contemplation

I once read a poem "THE EDUCATION ON NATURE" when I was in X class it was written by William wordsworth . One of the famous poet we have hear about. He wrote about lucy, a flower whom nature want to grow up as he wanted. Everything was planned and going to be execute but she died and left him alone. With the small poem william want to teach something what he feel at that time , he wants to share his feelings with a lesson. Lesson to be prepare for everything, anything of worst situation. Sometimes you planned everything with perfection but still you fall, you crawl and you break so be prepare for every pain that you are going to feel.
I still remember a poem written by shri Rabindranath tagore, "FLUTE MUSIC". he tells about condition of lower class man who tries to save kerosene oil expenses by staying till late night at railway station and live with a lizard in an empty room. He also describes how sometimes the man sleep hungry but the lizard never be. He tells about slummy condition of that area where the man lives. But he find peace when he heard a FLUTE MUSIC.
I also want to talk about an another poem "KUBLA KHAN" by S T coleridge. In this poem poet tells and talk about wonderful work of imagination. Imagination that can lead to recreation.

My motive to talk about all these poems is that whenever you feel low, tensed and in pain do not lay down. Be prepare yourself. As life is all about uncertainties.